in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
