Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
