She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
