when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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