Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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