i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
