I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You pole danced in your parka.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
