i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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