So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
