it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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