U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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