I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
