he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
