Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
