I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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