i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize