he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
