Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
