Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
