im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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