Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
this will be a night to untag.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
