I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
