What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
