Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm having to shit out rocks
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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