Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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