Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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