whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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