"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
