You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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