I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
