While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
did i walk over a car last night?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So vagazzling was a success
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
