R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
So I just went to clothing optional bar
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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