Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
