dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
