I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
