Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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