I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
