I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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