So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
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You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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