Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
