I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
