when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
