I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
