i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize