I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Dignity is for republicans.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
