Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Help. Why am I so naked?
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