u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
