I faked an abortion last night.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
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It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
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She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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