Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We had to coat check the pizza.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
