dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
