No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
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It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
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New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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