whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
