I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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