I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Your penis caused this!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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