I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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