you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
