cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
