Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.