that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
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whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
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I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.