Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....