The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power