Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
