end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
