belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
