so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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