call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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