They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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