there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
