I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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