my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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