id be glad to
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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