Plan B is the new Plan A
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
