Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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