why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
