matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
