I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i dont even know how to be here
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
