Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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