he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
