please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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