Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
should my penis look like a turkey
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
