Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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