I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
