If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
