I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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