Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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