thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
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And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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