Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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