i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
