Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
